Lost In The City Of Angels
by cluelessclown
Summary: Three times Katniss kissed Peeta, and one she didn't.


**lost in the city of angels**

_three times katniss kissed peeta, and one she didn't_

x.x

The first time they kiss, his lips feel terribly cold. They're in the cave, with nowhere else to go and struggling with Peeta's wounded leg. Katniss never lets go of his hand, always wakeful and watching over him. Although she feels dearly for the boy, she cannot say she likes him _that way_.

The second time, however, she does feel something. A little twinge inside her stomach; a soft, almost indiscernible blush on her cheeks. His lips against hers feel warmer, easier, even slightly rougher – and she somehow likes that. But, as always, it is over much too soon, and she is left lying on her back right next to him.

"Peeta." she whispers a little later.

The boy glances at her, his eyes half closed, and nods quietly, "Hm?"

"You still smell like flour. After all these days in the Arena," she smiles lightly, poking him on the ribs.

He smiles as well, much more brightly than ever before. "As long as it doesn't bother you, Katniss."

She shakes her head quietly. "No, it definitely doesn't." She places her arms around his middle and closes her eyes. For a moment she wonders what will become of them; or if she will ever feel that way again. She knows she has to follow the Capitol's games, but for the time being she enjoys the feeling of his chest against her cheek.

x.x

She hasn't kissed him for a year now. Not the way she kissed him back in the Arena, anyway. She still feels _something_; he still feels _madly_. Every single time she opens her mouth, every single time she moves her lips, Peeta wishes they could be his to keep. He looks at her quietly, meekly, but essentially dearly. He is almost eighteen and he has never felt attracted towards anyone besides her. And then he sees her, spending her time with Gale, hunting and doing God knows what else, and he can't help but feel only slightly broken inside.

He might have won the Hunger Games, but he has lost much, much more.

When he learns they are meant to go back to the Arena, he doesn't hesitate for a single second. He heads straight to Haymitch's house, and he practically begs the drunkard to help him bring Katniss back home safe. And, apparently, Haymitch agrees to do so.

A few days later, Peeta volunteers and he is inexorably sent back to the Arena with Katniss. He is almost sure he will not make it out alive, but the idea of her surviving is more than enough.

_If you love her, let her go_. That's what they used to say, isn't it?

He stays right next to her all the time. He knows they can trust Finnick and Mags, but he still wants to make sure she does not get hurt in any way. When they meet Johanna, Wiress and Beetee by the beach, he starts to wonder why on earth are they all allies, but he says nothing. He just stays by Katniss's side and tries to keep the team glued together.

And then it comes. They're sitting next to each other at the beach, in the middle of the night. He has just given her a small pearl. She talks about how she wants to make him go back home, but he cannot listen. He simply says he is worthless compared to her, and she says she will be nothing if he dies. And then, with the gentleness of the breeze shaking barley, she leans forward and kisses him. It starts off as a soft, gentle kiss, but as his lips crush against hers he realizes that he suddenly needs much, much more. Soon their tongues are meeting, his hands are slowly running down her sides. He needs her closer, faster, forever. He has never felt this _hunger_ before.

But then it ends. She places her forehead against his, and stares right into his eyes for a few seconds. For a moment, there is nothing else to either of them but the other – until Finnick cuts in and it's all over much too soon. Peeta sighs quietly, gives her a small smile and tells her to get some rest. She obliges, and when she gives him a soft goodbye kiss he knows it is over. But still, he leans back on the sand and smiles joyfully at the moon shining bright above them. This time he knows the kiss has been real.

The taste of her lips that night in the Arena will be only his for the rest of his days.

x.x

He is asleep. He has been for a few days, and will be for a long time if his body decides to follow the doctors' prospects. Katniss, as every other day since he arrived from the Capitol, spends the afternoon sitting next to him. She says nothing; but she knows the silence is enough. He watches how his chest rises and lowers ever so quietly, his hands frozen and his real leg just as still as his prosthetic one. She wishes he could hear what she wants to say, but she wouldn't even know how to put it into words. She sees how Finnick and Annie spend the little spare time they have together, and she wonders what would have happened if they had taken Peeta with her. It is horribly egoistical of her, but she sometimes wishes they had taken Peeta instead of the others. She would have even offered herself to the Capitol just to keep Peeta safe. But now he is nothing but a near-dead body she visits every day.

The nurses look at her sympathetically; her friends tell her to get some sleep. But she doesn't want to. She needs to be by his side. She needs to make up for having lost him that night in the Arena. Even Johanna, who is widely known for her sarcasm and her foul mouth, knows to be quiet when Katniss comes back from seeing Peeta. Annie kindly asks if he is 'feeling better', to which Finnick rubs her arm gently as Katniss shrugs. She tries to hide any sort of emotion that might blossom after seeing Peeta and politely makes her way back to her dormitory right after that.

Today, however, she has decided to talk. She knows he will not hear what she wants to say, but she needs to get it out somehow. She rubs her hand against his still cheek and runs her fingers quietly through his golden locks.

"Peeta," she whispers. "I'm sorry. I really am. You're the only person who really knows me. Gale, mum and Prim think they do, but they can't understand. They can't understand how scared I am since we got reaped two years ago. I'm scared about _everything_ these days, but what scares me the most is to lose you. If – if I someday walk into this room and find out you're not alive anymore – well, a part of me would die, too. I need you to live, and I need you to stay here with me." She quietly leans forward and presses a very tender kiss to his lips. They feel awfully cold for a second, but she still holds on. Feeling his lips somehow comforts her.

Then, a moment later, she closes her eyes and squeezes his hand only a little tighter. She really does need him.

x.x

Peeta can't believe the rebellion has triumphed. His mind is still swooning back and forth through the memories he is trying to rescue from the abyss of his mind, but he can vaguely remember what had happened before he was sent to the Capitol with Johanna – the Games, the nightlocks, Katniss. God, he did use to love her when they were younger. And apparently, she does love him too.

They're both looking at the place where District 12's town square once stood. She is grasping his hand, quietly and miserably. There are a million thoughts running through both of their heads, but they do not need words to seek comfort. A rub on the other's arm, their fingers intertwining just a little tighter. Nothing else.

He feels how Katniss starts trembling quietly when they arrive to the Seam. The remains of the old shacks where half of the District population's once lived are still standing, and Peeta quietly wonders whether there might be corpses inside. He decides he doesn't need to know, and his grasp onto Katniss's hand becomes tighter.

"Prim would have hated this." she whispers quietly, her throat tightening. "She was so brave and sweet at the same time. Best nurse at 13, some used to say." She gazes down at her shoes, feeling how tears start welling up in her eyes. She tries to control herself, to ignore the fact that many of those who were dear to her – Rue, Prim, Finnick, Cinna – are now long dead and gone. She tries to fight the tightness in her throat, the knot in her stomach. But she just can't.

Suddenly Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire, is extinguishing the blaze with a silent shed of tears.

Peeta looks at her, knowing that he doesn't need to say anything. He only rubs her arm with his hand, not unlike Finnick had done to Annie before, and he presses a very soft kiss to her temple. He can't understand what happened in District 12 yet, but he knows he will someday. All he needs to do by now is to stay next to Katniss. But then again, hasn't he done that always?

Somewhere, far from where they are both standing together, a mockingjay sings a quiet lullaby for those who sleep a dreamless slumber and those who will dream no more.

* * *

_i saw catching fire yesterday and somehow ended up writing this. hope you enjoyed it._

_-cluelessclown._


End file.
